What dominates your life?

What are your hopes and expectations for your life? Do these hopes, these expectations form a dominant thought process in your day-to-day life?

When I think about my own hopes and expectations over my life, I realise they have changed and morphed as I have grown, but they rarely dominated my life path. I was aimless and clueless. As a young girl, I always loved to make up stories, but I never thought I was good enough to actually write. At one stage, I held a hope to be an actress. Ah, yup! Then I had a brief spell of wanting to be a figure skater – this is laughable, as here in Australia, it rarely snows, only in the mountain areas. We have ice-skating rinks, sure, but a figure skater? I can barely stop myself from laughing even now.

As I grew into my late teens and early 20s, I still felt untethered. I was not ambitious at all, coupled with a deep-seated belief that I was the stupidest of stupid people. I wanted to marry and have children but in my limited social circle, due to growing up in a cult-like religious church, eligible bachelors were few and far between, rendering even that most basic option unlikely. I took a stroll into working for that church, as a minister (see, I really was the stupidest of stupid!). After six unfulfilling, depressing years in that arena, my only hope was to leave. So I did. I then was fuelled by the expectation of finding my way back into the real world, a woman in my early thirties, with no money in my bank account and few transferable skills to find a proper job.

It was only after meeting Hubster that I began to see that my hopes and expectations for the future might be possible. We married, had three children, and then I took the path to uni. It was my ‘aha’ moment, everything fell into place. Why didn’t I do this earlier? Why did I waste years bumping around like a ball in a pinball machine, being shot from one side to the other, rarely scoring points. But regret is useless; it will only eat me up.

Now, my hopes and expectations dominate my thoughts every day. Mostly, my hopes for the future rest in my children: I want to raise them to become decent adults, who are kind, caring and respectful. But, also my hopes and expectations for the future lie in furthering my dream to write. I write this blog and follow the daily prompt, because writing every day is important to hone the craft, keep my mind fluid, and creativity dripping and juicy. Next month, I will attend a five-day writing masterclass, where the other participants are all proper writers (i.e. those who’ve had a book published). I’m terrified out of my brain, feelings of inadequacy creep with insidious speed, crowding my character and story ideas. But I push those fuckers down, I will not allow them to dominate.

 

 

Photo by Saz B on Unsplash
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4 thoughts on “What dominates your life?”

  1. I don’t understand why those that write blogs or similar are seen as less than writers. This is not true! No matter where you write, you are a writer. Having a book published doesn’t prove a thing. The aim is that you’re trying to reach an audience and be heard because you have something to say, and it matters not where you write your words. People tune in from everywhere and will read you or may not read you. Everyone is a writer and some of us stand out more than others. You belong!

    Liked by 1 person

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