What are your hopes and expectations for your life? Do these hopes, these expectations form a dominant thought process in your day-to-day life?
When I think about my own hopes and expectations over my life, I realise they have changed and morphed as I have grown, but they rarely dominated my life path. I was aimless and clueless. As a young girl, I always loved to make up stories, but I never thought I was good enough to actually write. At one stage, I held a hope to be an actress. Ah, yup! Then I had a brief spell of wanting to be a figure skater – this is laughable, as here in Australia, it rarely snows, only in the mountain areas. We have ice-skating rinks, sure, but a figure skater? I can barely stop myself from laughing even now.
As I grew into my late teens and early 20s, I still felt untethered. I was not ambitious at all, coupled with a deep-seated belief that I was the stupidest of stupid people. I wanted to marry and have children but in my limited social circle, due to growing up in a cult-like religious church, eligible bachelors were few and far between, rendering even that most basic option unlikely. I took a stroll into working for that church, as a minister (see, I really was the stupidest of stupid!). After six unfulfilling, depressing years in that arena, my only hope was to leave. So I did. I then was fuelled by the expectation of finding my way back into the real world, a woman in my early thirties, with no money in my bank account and few transferable skills to find a proper job.
It was only after meeting Hubster that I began to see that my hopes and expectations for the future might be possible. We married, had three children, and then I took the path to uni. It was my ‘aha’ moment, everything fell into place. Why didn’t I do this earlier? Why did I waste years bumping around like a ball in a pinball machine, being shot from one side to the other, rarely scoring points. But regret is useless; it will only eat me up.
Now, my hopes and expectations dominate my thoughts every day. Mostly, my hopes for the future rest in my children: I want to raise them to become decent adults, who are kind, caring and respectful. But, also my hopes and expectations for the future lie in furthering my dream to write. I write this blog and follow the daily prompt, because writing every day is important to hone the craft, keep my mind fluid, and creativity dripping and juicy. Next month, I will attend a five-day writing masterclass, where the other participants are all proper writers (i.e. those who’ve had a book published). I’m terrified out of my brain, feelings of inadequacy creep with insidious speed, crowding my character and story ideas. But I push those fuckers down, I will not allow them to dominate.