At what point do you fight back?
When you’ve been hurt by someone, when they continually try to blame you for their own stupidity or error, at what point do you stop being the better person, and decide to hit back?
For most of this year, I have put up with unfair and juvenile treatment from someone, one who I thought was a friend. She has ignored me, spread unfounded stories about me to others, knowing that I am absent just enough from this social circle to not be able to speak my side. She has walked in another direction as she sees me approach. Throughout all of this I have behaved normally. I have not belittled her, or spoken out of turn about her. When I see her, I smile and say hello—even as she walks away with her posse. I have done nothing to bring about the fissure to our friendship (and there is plenty of evidential proof to back me up too). I have refused to sink to her level and fight back.
Oh, but I am hurt.
For some months, I thought the issue had petered away and things were improving. I was willing to accept that we may never be friends again, but at least she may become civil, perhaps even pleasant, towards me. However, I found out today that she has just been biding her time, waiting to make her big and resounding swipe.
And now, my ire is raised, flying high like a flag. It’s flapping in the harsh wind. Unfurling, whipping. I want to fight back.
But deep down, I know this won’t fix anything. So I remind myself her behaviour is hers to own. I can’t control her responses to me, but I can control mine to her.
And so I continue. I will continue to strive to be unaffected by the bullshit. And to salve the wounds she causes by being around those that love me, protect me, and know I am me.