Over the past seven or so days, I have experienced quite a few rejections.
Some of you, lovely readers, may be aware that I am on the job hunt. And not so long ago, I interviewed for two roles with two different employers on the same day. This was very exciting, and I went into those interviews confident, keen to highlight my skills that aligned with those roles. One of those employers recently invited me back for a second interview. On Friday, I received the shattering news that I was not selected for this role. I felt quite knocked around by this news. The other role, well, I’ve not heard a single peep from that employer, despite them saying at interview’s end they wanted to get someone in the position quickly. I can only assume that, a) either I dreamed the whole scenario and it didn’t really happen, b) I’m unsuccessful, or c) something has gone horribly awry in the inner control hub and no one can make a decision. (I’m going with B, in case you’re wondering. But, it’d be courteous if someone could at least be bothered to send an email.)
While still recovering from Friday’s devastating phone call, I was informed earlier this week that a separate role, for which I underwent an initial phone screen, was not going ahead. The company decided to do a re-structure and realised that perhaps they didn’t need such a role after all.
The bad news kept coming like drizzling, pissing rain.
Then, yesterday, the final thump to my self-esteem was from a publisher. They’d been reading my entire manuscript (I know, it is thrilling and a privilege to get that far) and decided to pass on it. Said publisher was extremely generous and provided excellent feedback on how I could potentially make my manuscript stronger. But there was a line in there that slapped me on the face. It was ‘the story suffers from it’. The subtext of that pearler is my story is boring.
Downward I spiralled. Tears of defeat, shame, and why the hell I am bothering, not just as a writer but with life in general.
But a new day has dawned, allowing me space to reflect on all this sad news. We have to experience the downs in order to feel and appreciate the ups. No one ever gets anywhere, especially in the writing world, without rejections. Hard work will pay off in the long run. There is a job out there with my name on it, finely attuned to my skills, attitude and values. And I know, that even if my manuscript never gets published, I am better for writing it. It was like lancing a boil.
Life has its messy bits. I allowed myself time yesterday to mope, but today, I choose to focus on my health, friendships (that includes you, blogging community) and lovely family.